But there are other fears I'm facing. In hopes that writing about them will aid in processing...here it goes. Early Sunday morning, there was a horrific crime in my community. Any who live near have probably heard about it. A man and his wife were on their morning walk (about 5AM) when they were severely beaten and left on opposite sides of the road a mere quarter mile from where we lived up until 2 months ago and walking distance from our present home. This couple was from my neighborhood, walking the same path that I, in my more motivated months, ran almost daily. I have seen them and shared a joggers' wave, "hello," and smile in passing. The man is now dead, and his wife is in critical condition. The perpetrators are still out there somewhere, the motive unknown.
For the past week, I have had a huge knot in my stomach. When I drive by the site of the crime (which I do daily because it is along a main thoroughfare), I feel queasy. My quiet, safe community feels violated. I leave the house alarmed basically all day and have never been more grateful that Adam works from home. I lock the doors when I'm driving. I'm terrified for my kids, mourning for the victims, and haunted by the feeling that "it could have been me."
Today, I've had a breakthrough in overcoming this fear. I realize that I cannot allow it to rule my life. I took the kids on a walk (just around the block) and we spent our after-dinner hour outside throwing frisbees and playing in the backyard. Very therapeutic and calming. It's not that I've become foolhardy, but I am realizing that I cannot allow the bad to dictate my life and how live it.
Which brings me back to the treadmill. In the past year of my life, I've been exercising more and my endurance has never been better physically. Since I am still unwilling to run outside, it was easy tonight to overcome my fear of treadmills and felt SO good to pound out a quick half mile's worth of angst when the elliptical left me feeling unfulfilled.
As I was stretching, listening to Ben Folds' "The Luckiest" and "Gracie Girl" (thank you, Aaron and Katy), I got to thinking about another type of endurance...and this came to mind.
"Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and ENDURE TO THE END, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life." (2 Nephi 31:20)
And there it is. The solution. "The WAY." The remedy to this knot in my stomach. I will put my hope in Him, and slowly the fear will subside.
