Overcoming Fears

For the last 6 years, I have avoided the treadmill. Tonight was the first time I have been on one since I was running on a treadmill in the Gold's Gym on 9th East in Provo and slipped. Thank goodness I was wearing pants, though the abrasion was enough to burn - not tear - burn a hole in them. 

But there are other fears I'm facing. In hopes that writing about them will aid in processing...here it goes. Early Sunday morning, there was a horrific crime in my community. Any who live near have probably heard about it. A man and his wife were on their morning walk (about 5AM) when they were severely beaten and left on opposite sides of the road a mere quarter mile from where we lived up until 2 months ago and walking distance from our present home. This couple was from my neighborhood, walking the same path that I, in my more motivated months, ran almost daily. I have seen them and shared a joggers' wave, "hello," and smile in passing. The man is now dead, and his wife is in critical condition. The perpetrators are still out there somewhere, the motive unknown. 

For the past week, I have had a huge knot in my stomach. When I drive by the site of the crime (which I do daily because it is along a main thoroughfare), I feel queasy. My quiet, safe community feels violated. I leave the house alarmed basically all day and have never been more grateful that Adam works from home. I lock the doors when I'm driving. I'm terrified for my kids, mourning for the victims, and haunted by the feeling that "it could have been me."

Today, I've had a breakthrough in overcoming this fear. I realize that I cannot allow it to rule my life. I took the kids on a walk (just around the block) and we spent our after-dinner hour outside throwing frisbees and playing in the backyard. Very therapeutic and calming. It's not that I've become foolhardy, but I am realizing that I cannot allow the bad to dictate my life and how live it. 

Which brings me back to the treadmill. In the past year of my life, I've been exercising more and my endurance has never been better physically. Since I am still unwilling to run outside, it was easy tonight to overcome my fear of treadmills and felt SO good to pound out a quick half mile's worth of angst when the elliptical left me feeling unfulfilled. 

As I was stretching, listening to Ben Folds' "The Luckiest" and "Gracie Girl" (thank you, Aaron and Katy), I got to thinking about another type of endurance...and this came to mind.

"Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and ENDURE TO THE END, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life." (2 Nephi 31:20)

And there it is. The solution. "The WAY." The remedy to this knot in my stomach. I will put my hope in Him, and slowly the fear will subside.

To the rescue...

I feel like Supermom. I just remembered (at 11PM) that I want to make beans for dinner tomorrow. Heroic act number one, since that means I need to soak them overnight and I have forgotten to do this for the few weeks. (This dish has been on my weekly menu list a while). I headed down and instead of shirking the task of sorting the beans, I went through them carefully and managed to pull out not one but THREE rocks. That's right...I have saved the day and my family's teeth. For the moment, I feel just super.

This just might become my new favorite book...

*Note: For any without Youtube access, you can check it out here.

Cookie pie

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Originally uploaded by Adam W.

It was Spencer's turn to do the treats for Family Home Evening this week. When I asked him what he wanted to make, he responded, "Cookie pie."

"How do you make that?" I asked.

"You put cookie dough in a pie thing (plate) and cook it."

Got it.

When I asked him where he got the idea, he pointed to an area of the kitchen near the counter and said, "I was right here, and I thought of it."

The kid's got a great brain. Cookie pie was a great success. We used sugar cookie dough, baked it for 2-3x the normal time, frosted it, and added sprinkles. Delicious.

Ignore my attempt to fix the red eyes in the photo. That's the only drawback to having blue-eyed kiddos.

Thanks to Spencer for sharing a great idea!

YouTube Orchestra

Ben Chan is a NYC resident and is playing in the upcoming Mormon Orchestra concert. He is a finalist with the YouTube Symphony. The performers selected by YouTube voters will play in Carnegie Hall.  

Click here for information on how to vote for Ben (or any others that strike your fancy). 

Surprise!

Spencer woke up this morning to a little surprise. Mom and Dad were sleeping in HIS room. That's right; we've gone back to our old ways. About 4AM FEROCIOUS winds started to blow the trees (big ones) behind the house so that even the thickest oaks were visibly swaying. Being career basement dwellers for the majority of our married lives, we are unaccustomed to hearing the effects of windy nights and wondering whether the siding will survive. There was no way I was going to sleep. I checked on the kids, wanting to make sure they were okay, and the noise was much less violent at the front of the house. You couldn't even hear it in Emma's room (due in part to the white noise from her humidifier). Realizing that I could be close to my kids and further from the trees by moving to one of the front rooms, I quickly convinced Adam to move the mattress from the guest room into Spencer's room where we slept very soundly...until Emma woke up at 6 AM with her usual plea, "Eat! Eat!"  

Anyone else in VA getting these gusts? This is even more wind than a few weeks ago when I was in the Costco parking lot and the take 'n bake pizza was tossed 10 ft. in the air from my shopping cart. 

A Time of Change

A lot has been going on as of late:

-We've changed residences (exactly 2 miles from where we were before).

-I've changed from 2nd to 1st violin in the Mormon Orchestra for this concert.

-That means I change positions a lot more and play the highest note possible on my violin. Yikes!

-Adam has changed the number of businesses he is involved in from 3 to 4...but maybe I've lost count and it's more than that. 

-Spencer and Emma have gone from sleeping in our room (or in an attached closet-like space) their whole lives to having rooms of their own.

-We've gone from being responsible for the cleaning and care taking of one level to three.

And with all of this change, we needed a change of pace this morning. So...we played hookie from scripture class, stayed in our pjs until about 10, played doctor, read books, and now we are going to buy Valentines and rosin (for Spencer's violin) and have fun playing with those this afternoon.

It feels like a snow day without having to shovel, and I am loving it.